My feelings are similar to those that you experienced. I am glad you seem to be through the worst, I however cannot see the end of the tunnel but then it is still early days. I too took care of my husband at home and he died with me laid by his side holding him. All I can see is I will probably have to spend another 30 years without him - It is not that I am frightened of being alone or on my own I just want him back he is the one I need and I don't think anyone else could possibly fill that gap - I need him to kiss the tears away and say everything will be OK. I think I would feel guilty if I were to go out with someone else, I still feel like a married lady who adores her husband. I too would never commit suicide but would consider it a favor if something were to happen to cause my death - death does not frighten me in the least, rightly or wrongly I believe we will be reunited. I know life goes on and I know things will get better but right at the moment
what I know and what I comprehend are two different things. Thank you for sharing - it helps - especially as there are times I think I am losing my mind. I hate to upset other people by losing it in front of them but sometimes its as if my tears have a mind of there own and there is nothing I can do about it. There isn't even an actual cause to spark them off. My husband died 7 months ago and I actually believed that I was getting much better but it seems over the last couple of weeks that I have got worse, far far worse than the first few months and so these slips seem harder to understand. I know it is a process or so everyone says but believing is another thing. Gosh I am saying things here that I hadn't expected I was just emailing to say how much your story meant to me. I truly hope your future life will be happy and I wish you well
04/07/05
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